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Who hasn’t felt worthless in their life? It’s no secret that I deal with anxiety and depression. That’s pretty much the basis of my entire blog. Since starting this blog last May, I’ve tried several times to find ways to drive traffic or boost posts. Most of the other bloggers I knew were a “Lifestyle” blogger and would talk about clothes and things like that. As I sat down to try to plan out a few post for the next month, I literally stared at my computer for over an hour. How on earth was I going to write about cutesy clothes and shoes when I felt like crap? What was even the point of it?
I’ve barely been out of bed or even SHOWERED in the past month. Instead, I’ve been scrolling mindlessly through my phone playing games and reading several fanfictions that I’ve become engrossed with. Especially Miraculous Ladybug but anyone who has read the blog before or just knows me, knows that I seriously love that fandom. I’m total Miraculous trash and have no shame with it.
But there was no denying how hard this month has been. I’m so glad that the year is ending and we can start over, but in the end, only the numbers are changing. Nothing will magically change for us. When January 1st hits us, we’re still the same person we were the night before.
My mind was an enigma. There are times when even I can’t figure out what I want or meant to say.
I barely posted on any of my social media accounts or even my beloved blog. I felt myself slipping into an even darker abyss than I had been at previously and wasn’t sure how to stop it. I questioned every choice I had ever made, starting when I had first moved out of my first apartment to follow a guy that I believed was my person.
In hindsight, that was stupid…
But was it right? Was I still worthless?
The thing about depression and anxiety is… I NEEDED CHANGE – NOT SYMPATHY. I loved it though, lapped it all up. But it’s not what I needed to get out of the depressed, worthless feeling funk.
Letting go isn’t a one-time thing. You have to do it every day and some days are worse than others. You’ll FEEL worse than before, and even feel worthless.