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Suicide. I’ll go ahead and post a disclaimer here that this post contains triggers for those with depression and other mental illnesses. Suicide isn’t something that is talked too much about openly. It’s more taboo. You’ll read about it on Reddit, Buzzfeed, and Tumblr. You’ll see articles about it on Pinterest. Rarely though, does anyone openly tell their surrounding peers…”I almost committed suicide.”Or maybe “I’m having suicidal thoughts.”
Sadly, by the time most of us know…it’s too late.
Five years ago, if someone had told me that I’d be writing about suicide prevention, I probably would have laughed. Mentally, but I still would have. On the outside, my life was fine. My parents were still married.My husband didn’t abuse me or anything like that. What did I have to be sad about?
That is one of my biggest pet peeves though. We ALL have someone better off and worse off than ourselves. That DOES NOT make our pain any worse. Yes, I know that there are people starving to death and getting the crap beat out of them. And my heart hurts for them. It really does. But that does not make my mental illness any less. You can’t truly relate until you have felt that overwhelming, empty and almost calming desire to end your life.
After being diagnosed with PTSD, I started talking with someone about it and she was amazed that I was as high functioning as I was. Well, in part it’s because I had, and still do, a great support system that helped carry me through. They would love me on the days I couldn’t love myself. I wouldn’t have a good day or even try too.
It was okay to simply have a day.
My motto for years was to just get through that one day. That one day and then I could try again tomorrow.
We don’t want to hear the “You’ll Get Better” speech or that it’s in our heads. We just want to know that someone is there and that they care. Even now, I have a few close friends I can tell that I’m having a depressed day too and they’ll just send me funny pictures or just talk randomly with me so that I won’t feel alone. But I don’t feel obligated to talk back or put cake (i.e makeup) on my face.
There have been scientific studies showing that there are CHEMICALS in our brain that actually case depression and other illnesses. Maybe it’s too much corn syrup or sugar, or something like that. I’ll have to find the article and share it with ya’ll on my Facebook page so ya’ll can see for yourself.
Not everyday is perfect for me. I still have my bad days, but I’m not suicidal anymore. There’s too much to live for. For the most part, my fur baby, Koda, is my pride and joy. She’s the main reason I’ll never leave. Her birthday is in a few weeks and we’re having a party for her. Naturally she’ll have cake and a few new toys. Pets are children too.
Isn’t she cute? She’s a precious cinnamon roll and I love her.
If you’ve been thinking about our text therapy, you can still sign up through the link here. I look forward to getting to know ya’ll even more as we continue this awkward journey known as life. Lord knows I’ll trip and stumble even more with my clumsy self but the friends and family love my dorkasaurus persona.
I also wanted to thank everyone for the outstanding show of support I have received. I reached over one thousand fans on Facebook and was nominated for the Blogger Recognition Award. It blew my mind that, wow, people are actually reading and LIKING my blog?! Like, Holy Fishsticks! I’ll try to keep up with ya’ll!
As always, keep smiling!