Mirror Mirror On The Wall: I’m Miserable and It’s My Fault

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Being an introvert can tend to get you a bad rap. Throwing depression and other mental illnesses on top of that can make an introvert’s life a whole lot harder. As an Introvert, we physically and mentally get exhausted just by being in the same room with another person. Usually, after just half an hour of being around someone, I have to go to another room and just sit in the silence. I won’t really be doing anything, I’ll just be recharging and calming down. 

People make me nervous. Anyone who has read my blog before knows this. I went to a doctor two years ago for a weird pain in my leg and hip that I had already had for a few years. He diagnosed it as sciatica and we’ve been treating it with physical therapy and shots every few months.  It actually helps a lot as long as I don’t start running track again. But during that doctor visit, he also stated that I was stressed and had anxiety. Well, I WAS stressed. The constant pain in my body was making me stressed. 

Either way, he prescribed me medicine that was supposed to help. And then another med. And then ANOTHER. I told them I felt like a guinea pig with all the meds they were trying out for me, but each one was just making it worse.  I started becoming paranoid and actually started feeling depressed and it wasn’t going away. Usually, going for a walk or watching my favorite movie would help, but not this time. 

What it's like to be an introvert and having depression. Visit us today at The Heartbreak Diet.

At the time, I was at Wally World, working as a cashier. In my super small town, you either worked there or McDonald’s. It was a small town, and I had to help support my family. I had a scary situation with a stalker there and it sent my paranoid self over the edge. I came home and couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out. In hindsight, it wouldn’t have been as bad if I hadn’t already been so paranoid. They were just a scammer, trying to get people’s identities, but it was scary when they followed me after every shift. 

In my heart, I KNEW I wouldn’t get hurt, but my head kept saying otherwise. I wouldn’t and couldn’t let anyone get physically close to me. I started being afraid to even leave our bedroom since I felt like eyes were on me all the time. So many time, I tried to speak up about it, but it was hard when nobody else could understand. They didn’t relate to it. I felt like I was going crazy. 

Going back to the doctor, he diagnosed it as Agoraphobia which is a fear of leaving your home. Great…here I was a newlywed 25 year old…and I couldn’t leave my house? The panic attacks and the anxiety attacks only got worse. People would want to hang out and I would decline. I was already introverted, did I have to be scared too? 

The lack of leaving my room only made things worse. I had a fear of sleeping, so I would force myself to stay awake until 4 or 5am in the morning and sleep as little as possible. The constant night terrors, a side-effect of the medication as well, were making me afraid of ever closing my eyes. 

How to not hate your life as an introvert. Visit us today at The Heartbreak Diet

There was a fear of talking to anyone, even friends, and family. The side effects were all downhill, but when I tried to get off of them, I was even worse. I was curled in a ball, bawling my eyes out again when I had missed HALF a dose.  

I wish I could tell you that there’s a happy ending, but in all honesty, I’m still working on it. I’m still searching for ways to beat this crazy Agoraphobia that meds I didn’t need and didn’t want, brought to me. This is one of the reasons I decided to become a Life Coach. I wanted to help people who have been where I was before and needed a guide to help them through it. I’m so much better than I used to be and would have loved a helping hand along the way.  The course for it, Mental Health Survival Kit is still open to anyone who needs a friend or someone to talk to. Of course, from one introvert to another, if you just want to talk, I’m always here. 



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As always, keep smiling. 



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19 thoughts on “Mirror Mirror On The Wall: I’m Miserable and It’s My Fault

  1. Such a beautiful post. Some aspects of this post remind me of my daughter who struggles with anxiety and depression herself. Many a time, she’d be on cloud nine over a product she finally got only to find herself back on ground zero the next day. It’s a tough thing to watch your child struggle with this illness. We can’t magically make it disappear. We can’t take the pain away. We can’t reverse time and go back to when happy and healthy days were the norm. We can only be there for them, support them and help them try to cope with the disease but we can never cure it. Thank you so much for sharing a glimpse into your life with us.

  2. this is such a beautiful post – even though I’m sure it was hard writing its always nice to hear the personal stories & getting to know people better

  3. I know all too well how being an introvert topped with mental illness can be. My very good friend was really ill and we didn’t really know what was her ailment. Only after she left the company did we realise she suffered from depression. We found loads of cough medication in her drawers after she left that made her drowsy but she always drank them. The medication that was prescribed to her didnt seem to work, but now she is doing a bit better. Still working at it, but doing better.

  4. I have many family members who struggle with depression and mental illness and it affects all of us. I’m glad you reach out to the many resources that are available to take care of yourself. Thank you for sharing and helping others.

  5. Introversion is a funny thing. I feel like it goes against our species but there are so many of us that just can’t do people. I work in a very extroverted role and I do really well but when it comes to the “after parties” I bail and go home. Peopling is just a lot of work.

  6. This is such a heartfelt post. I had a stalker situation when I was in college and felt very much the same way. It was hard to go out of my room, but luckily they caught him. Thank you!

  7. You are such a strong soul, thank you for being so open and honest. It is heartbreaking to see what you are going through because it is too common and I wish there were other solutions that were so much more effective. Keep your head up, there will be better days ahead.

  8. Thanks for sharing your story I like when people can talk about this important issues. My boyfriend has the same symptoms and it can be very challenging at times. It’s very hard for him to leave the house on some days resulting in the same actions you mentioned above. And the medication is so up and down and can cause worse issues too. It’s so sad to hear these stories because sometimes the loved ones who are trying to help really are unsure of what to do or how to really help the person who is suffering.

  9. […]  It’s more common than you might think. BUT, there are still ways to get yourself out of the funk and combat SAD without medication. I’m not a huge fan of medication but I also know that I depend on it more than I want to. It helps my sciatica and keeps me from being in too much pain all the time. If you missed that post, I’ll include the link here for that.  […]

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