Mirror Mirror On The Wall: I’m Miserable and It’s My Fault

Mirror Mirror On The Wall: I’m Miserable and It’s My Fault

I am not a licensed therapist. If you are suffering from a major disorder and need treatment please seek the help of a professional. If you need help finding a mental health care provider call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) This post contains affiliate links, but I only promote what I already use and love. You can read my full disclosure policy here..

 

“Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Who’s the fairest of them all?” 

Most of us all know the classic rhyme from the Disney movie: Snow White. The Evil Queen wants to be the fairest in all the land and is threatened when she learns that there is someone prettier than her.

In a way, most of us actually relate to the Evil Queen. When we see someone “prettier” than us, our self-esteem takes a hit and usually, we feel jealous. I mean, we don’t go looking for poisoned apples to get rid of them, but we do let our self-esteem drop enough where we might consider the poisoned apple for ourself. 

Growing up and even into my adult years, I had an awful habit of looking for the right “product” that was going to make me happy, or prettier. Whether it was a new hair color or shade of lipstick. Maybe it was a new outfit or pair of shoes. Whatever it was, it had a certain magic to it when you first saw it and then bought it. Then when you got home or the next time you wore it, the magic was gone. That happy and bubbly feeling you had when you first bought it is now gone.

For instance, I had recently bought the ABH Dipbrow Pomade. I had been wanting it FOREVER and I was super excited to finally be able to and receiving it. I was convinced that this was the product that was going to bring my whole look together and make me constantly happy. And it did…for one day.  

The next day, I was back to being unhappy. The husband says it’s just hormones but I digress. He might have a slight point, but I refuse to admit that just yet. My eating changed drastically regarding what I had bought or what I had received and still wasn’t permanently happy. I couldn’t figure out why either. Was it the wrong shade for me? Or was I seriously depressed?

Usually, when dealing with depression, our eating habits change. Scientists and Doctors haven’t been able to say exactly why some people eat more or less during this time. We all know that our bodies respond differently than others. What works for one person might not work for the other. When on medication, some people gain weight and others lose it. 

 

“My Eating Habits Drastically Changed…Because of Heartbreak”

At 15, I met my ex. We’ll call him Alex. 

It was love at first sight for both of us. We were head over heels and were cheesy from the beginning. He was my first love and the first time I decided to actually marry someone. We planned our future and were happy.

But things weren’t perfect. For starters, Alex wouldn’t tell anyone about me. His family felt he could do better and so he never told them…or anyone. In hindsight, that was a red flag, but I was 15 and in love. Or what I thought was love. He would wait until after his folks fell asleep before Skyping me or calling on the phone. I used to walk 2 miles to the library so that I could Facebook message him(this was ten years ago and my folks had time limits on the Internet). 

Things only got harder from there. He wanted more physically from me and that wasn’t something I could do. Most of you who already read my blog know that I battled depression and PTSD. I was physically and sexually abused and it stems from that. So, of course, I couldn’t be physical yet, even with a boyfriend. Heck, I had a hard time hugging my FAMILY. 

“I wasn’t his equal”

I won’t go into more details with that. The relationship had so many red flags and I ignored them all since it was my first love. At 15 my insecurities were at all time high with just normal growing up and I was afraid that I would never have this kind of love again. 

The relationship ended when he told me I wasn’t his equal and he was dating someone else. It broke me. It was a 5-year relationship that just was gone. That didn’t keep me from fighting though. For another year, he strung me along. I was his backup girl when his relationships went wrong. And I LET him. 


My eating habits changed drastically. When we weren’t “together”, I refused to eat. I would have maybe two glasses of tea and a cracker for the whole day. When we were”together”, I would eat a whole 40Ounce bag of peanut m&ms just for a SNACK.  

“Why do we let our ex’s become our reason for happiness? For what we eat?”

It wasn’t until I met my husband, that my eating became normal.  The whole moral of this story is that depression affects our eating and our mental health. We eat according to our mood. Some of us will eat the whole cake and others refuse to eat at all. When did we let our ex’s become our reason for happiness? I let a few material products become the reason for my happiness. I mean, a great pair of shoes and the perfect shade of lipstick does boost your mood for a moment but it shouldn’t be the reason for your ONLY happiness. 

The Heartbreak Diet: Our Eating habits and Mental Health. Visit us today when dealing with a breakup or needing a friend.

 

There’s nothing wrong with being alone. Ironically, it was only after I decided to be alone was when I met my husband. We dated for two years before taking that leap. Before I met him though, is one of the reasons I decided to become a Life Coach. I wanted to help people who have been where I was before and needed a guide to help them through it. The course for it, Heal Your Heart is still open for anyone who needs a friend or someone to talk to. Of course, if you just want to talk, I’m always here. 

As always, keep smiling. 

 

 

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5 Comments

  1. Great post! I really found myself relating to you and it even made me immediately delete my dating apps!

  2. This was such a heartfelt post! Something that I could relate to in my writing as well. Keep on striving!

  3. My mother always told me that if I can’t learn to be happy by being alone then I would never truly learn to love myself. She was right 🙂

  4. Beautifully written. We should consciously make efforts to drop the poisoned apple kind of feelings.

  5. It was inspiring that you let us into your personal life so that we would understand you better. We should all realize our self worth was not with someone else.

    Gayathri @ Musings Over Nothing

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